Act III ~ Confronting The Wetikó

Episode Aquarius

How NAME! “Chose” ME!, Part III ~ Letting Go Of “My” Mind!

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My back injury first occurred in the Spring of 1995, during my Sophomore year of college. 

It happened…innocuously enough…when I picked up my backpack full of heavy, entry-level college textbooks, as I was preparing to leave home for school that day…

In one quick motion…as I scooped and twisted my upper body awkwardly under the weight…I let the strap fall down relatively hard onto my right shoulder…while I was in that odd position…and…

WHAM!!!

It felt like someone had impaled me with a large knife.

Directly to the right of my spine (viewed from behind me) and at/around the level of my heart.

Looking at a diagram of the spine, my guess would be that it was somewhere around the 6th to 8th thoracic vertebrae…so called, “T6, T7, or T8.”

Later, as I began learning about the “subtle energies” of the body and the energy “centers” (Chakras)…I discerned that my pain was localized at the level of, or slightly below, the Heart Chakra…

I fell to the ground in EXTREME pain…the worst pain of my entire life.

In fact, during each of the numerous re-injuries I endured over the next 20 years, the INTENSITY of the pain…EACH TIME…was the same as it was that first time. (It is even tingling right meow…as I discuss it!)

You may kill a fire. And everything you know falls to dust and ash. Yet the remarkable treasure in this seemingly hopeless pile, is hidden deep within. The burning embers incarnate the perpetual desire to go from spark to flame.
–Akilnathan Logeswaran–

The first time it happened, I didn’t know what to do.  I was living in the basement of my parent’s house, but they were away for the weekend…so I was alone and without anyone I could think of, to call for help.

I managed to move myself onto the couch and lay there, writhing in pain, as incapacitating spasms locked up every muscle in my back…approximately every 10 to 15 minutes…for the next three days…non-stop…until the spasms finally abated on their own.

Spasm onset became so consistent during that time, I developed the ability to detect the crescendo coming…sometimes as far ahead at 30 seconds.  I was unable to attend to anything but the pain.

Ironically…paradoxically…“anti-mirroring” the sexual orgasm, I found myself looking forward…SO MUCH…to that climactic moment when I knew the spasm was beginning to subside.

So much so that…during the mind-numbingly LONG hours of that fate-filled weekend in ’95…I eventually began to laugh each time…on the way back down from the climax of the spasm…and the pain.

Tears pouring from my eyes, the irony was maddening for me during those 72 hours.  But so happy to be coming back down, each time, there just didn’t seem anything better to do than laugh.  (Power in paradox…this particular paradox would be VERY important in later discoveries…)

After my “first time,” I spent the following two weeks getting over the full-body soreness that always follows the intense trauma of having constant strain applied to all my muscles…

Over the 20 years that followed, I learned to reduce the “recovery time” from that soreness…down to a week or so…because I figured out that an adjustment at the chiropractor would immediately stop the spasms…leaving only the INTENSE soreness…but FAR better than the spasms.

Additionally, I found that if I could get to the chiropractor ASAP, I could reduce my exposure to the spasms once they began…which usually only took about six hours from the time of re-injury…or less!

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…April 5th, 2013…

Soooooooooooo…

…waking up to the spasms the next morning, after I re-injured my back during Aries 2013…singing at Fast Eddie’s the night of April 4th…was what I was anticipating, along with an immediate trip to the chiropractor…

But, instead, I was confused to find “almost” a lack of pain…as I was confused the night before, in feeling a “difference,” as the moment of re-injury occurred.  So, stubbornly and because getting the adjustments always unnerved me, I did not immediately go to the chiropractor.

In fact, the pain did not begin until Saturday evening…April 6th…about 48 hours after I had re-injured it.

That, also, had never happened before…so even then…I wasn’t fully convinced I had actually re-injured it “completely.”  Of course, my decision to perceive my situation in this way, in-and-of-itself, reveals a logic-based (Wetikó-laced) rationalization for being a “wimp” and not “wanting” to go to the “chiro.”

Regardless, though, this was decidedly “convenient timing” for The Wetikó, as the REAL pain started AFTER the “chiro” was closed for the rest of the weekend!

You’re mine now, Piggy.
–Freddy Krueger, “Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors”-

By Sunday morning, April 7th, 2013, I knew I was in trouble.  I had only re-injured it over a weekend once before, perhaps 10 years earlier, and having to wait until Monday…to get the adjustment…had allowed the spasms to intensify exponentially.

It was the same on this occasion and by the time I arrived at the chiropractor’s office…at 8am Monday morning, April 8, 2013…my spasms were fully “enraged”…making it VERY difficult and, honestly, dangerous for me to even drive to the clinic.

Thankfully…one of the fabulous technologies that has been developed for use in relieving severe muscle tension (Among other issues), TENS (Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation), is a device that sends small electric charges into the skin from four electrode-pads…spaced evenly around the target area.

They turn up the intensity as far as you can take it…it tingles…and then leave you for 20 minutes, while the vibrations work their magic.  Without this treatment, I learned over the years, adjusting my back was much more difficult for the chiro…and much more painful for me!

My chiropractor and I had established a comfortable rapport over the years that I used his services, so after he adjusted me, we were talking and I shared with him that I had re-injured it…this time…while singing karaoke like a maniac!  He got a kick out of that…chuckling…but, synchronously, it jostled a very significant perspective from his vast memory.

He mused, “You know, its interesting that you were being so emotional when it happened.  I’ve found it to be true in my experience, and some research indicates, that while back injuries to the upper and lower third of the back are often physical in origin, the middle-third injuries are often psychologically and/or emotionally induced…and have no real physical origin or trauma.”

This was fascinating to me, as I considered for the first time in my life, that…though I have the strong memory of that “first time”…my back injury was actually being “caused” by a form of psychological and/or emotional…or even possibly…a “spiritual imbalance.”

To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.
–Friedrich Nietzsche–

The next day, April 9th, 2013, I started to do research regarding “psychologically-induced” back injuries and…since I was concurrently reading “Be Here Now”…I made a “spiritual connection” to the injury’s specific location in my body, when I came across a Wiki-page about something called Kundalini.

In “Be Here Now,” Baba Ram Dass briefly mentions Kundalini yoga as “an advanced form of spiritual yoga” that “should not be practiced without the guidance of an instructor,” due to the overwhelmingly powerful nature of the Kundalini energy and the very real “emotional and physical injuries that could occur, if that energy were to manifest uncontrolled.”

On the Wiki-page, I found this enlightening diagram, highlighting several major spiritual centers of the body.

For the first time, I noticed the term “Atma”…located, approximately, on the opposite side of the spine from my injury.

In researching the term, I found that “Atma” is considered, in Hinduism, to be the “seat of the self or soul” in the body.

It seemed to me, as it was on the opposite side of my spine from this “Atma,” that my injury was some sort of “mirror” of my soul’s expression in the physical/matter-based body.

I found this to be “highly” revealing and…thoughtfully bringing my hand to my chin…I relaxed back into my couch, to contemplate how this new perspective could fit into my understanding of this “über” pain-demon that had been scourging me for more than two decades…

…t’was in this moment, when I was VERY relaxed and highly “lost” in this “high-thought”…

I had another shockingly painful spasm!!!

WHAM!!!

Shockingly, because THAT…TOO…had NEVER happened before!

The chiropractic adjustments ALWAYS had ended the spasms in the past!  This was completely uncharted territory for me meow!

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
–Carl von Clausewitz–

Recovering from The Wetikó’s “surprise attack,” the powerful synchronicity of the timing of this “uncharted” spasm, following the realization of the “possible” spiritual connection…a new way of discerning reality…began to fix itself into my mind…

I decided to google “Kundalini yoga San Antonio” and reveled in the Divinity, as the results displayed only ONE Kundalini yoga studio in all of San Antonio!

I couldn’t believe it…it was just too synchronous…too visceral…and I was meow convinced that my back injury was a “spiritual fight”…not ONLY a physical one.

Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
–Benjamin Disraeli–

I was about to call the yoga studio…to ask a few questions…but, slightly “up-ended” by the reappearance of my spasms, I went upstairs to go to the bathroom.

As I sat down on the toilet, I felt the ominous symptoms developing that I knew all-to-well to be indicative of the inescapable path towards a complete loss of consciousness…I was about to faint!

Having fainted on a number of occasions throughout my life, I was very aware of how it started with a mild nausea and a cold sweat.

I got up and left my bathroom, in a futile attempt go downstairs and get to the couch, so that I could put my feet up…and perhaps avoid the inevitable. (I don’t know why it did not occur to me to simply lay on my bed, as I walked past it to the bedroom door.)

Heading out of my bedroom and into the hallway, as the symptoms intensified, I accepted that I wasn’t going to make it to the couch…there was nothing I could do to keep from fainting.

Defiantly, I grabbed the half-wall outside my bedroom with both hands, placing my cup of water down on top of it.

The last thought I remember having, before fainting, was directed at the…generally…dark and menacing archetypal energy that The Wetikó represented to me at that time.  I felt sure, for some reason, that It was the cause of this oncoming collapse!

I remember formulating a challenge, “Really?  You are forcing me to faint right now?!?!  Ok…FINE…then I’m just going to stand up completely straight and face whatever it is YOU want me to face!  I will NOT yield to YOU!” (Standing fully upright is more-or-less an “impossible move” for me when my back is in “spasm-mode”…because doing so immediately initiates another spasm.  I had learned to cower before The Wetikó’s power…)

BUT NOT THIS TIME, FUCKER!!!

As soon as I made my move, to brazenly defy my metaphoric tormentor in this way, a VERY intense and bright light filled my visual field…

Surprised…I found no spasm waiting for me…I remember no pain…

…but then…

…it was as if “someone” took a 2X4 and swung it against my forehead…as hard as they could!!!

I was out cold!

At the time I had no idea that being struck by a bolt of lightening, as with Zeus and his thunderbolts, symbolizes in mythologies the world over the initiation of a spiritual process.
-Paul Levy-

FYI!  “Aquarian Rebirth,” by Robyn Chance, is the NAME! of the “Featured Image” for this piece:

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P.S. ~ Synchrony With Intention ~ Energetic Alignment

Synchronicity is an ever-present reality for those who have eyes to see it.

–Carl Jung–

Aquarius being an “air” sign…

…I find Divine Synchrony in offering this piece of the story…on this particular day.

Today is April 9th, 2020.  On the Mayan Tzolk’in calendar, today is 5 Transformer.

As you may already know, the Tzolk’in is a 260-day, never-ending “energetic tracking system,” spiraling through time.  You can learn more about it here, if you wish!

As in Western Astrology, each of the 20 Mayan Sun Signs is “ruled by”/associated with one of the four elements of nature…

Transformer, synchronously, is one of the 5 “Air Signs” within the Tzolk’in!  Transformer…as the NAME! implies…involves moving from one version of reality into another…from physical to spiritual…

…from emotion to thought…

From what could be…into what WILL be!

An air sign too…synchronously synchronously…is the Sun Sign which is currently “ruling” the 13-day “week”/Trecena in which we find ourselves…TODAY…Wind!  4 days ago, April 5th, 2020, was 1 Wind!

What better way to sum up this “Synchrony With Intent“…than by infusing a little more Jaguar Spirit-wisdom…from her blog TODAY…to guide us on…

It is always worthy to listen to the Wind on days guided by Wind/IK, and magnified x2 for all Days marked by Wind in the trecena. Expect things to look unfamiliar, out of the ordinary, turned upside down, and lacking purpose. These are exactly the thoughts raised up from earth so Wind can sweep away what no longer serves.

–9 Eagle “Jaguar Woman” Debra Malmos–

Sat NAM!!!

Next Piece: Episode Leo ~ How NAME! “Chose” ME, Part IV ~ Transforming Through Fire

Forward To: Episode Leo

Back To: Act III ~ Confronting The Wetikó

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